today’s news rendered me speechless. i was sitting in my stores offsite christmas booth when my step brother told me there was another shooting. my heart skipped a beat, then i had to smile for the customers. once there was a clearing i hunted for details, kindergartners. my eyes swelled with tears, then more customers and more forced smiles. i worked for the next eight hours not allowing myself to think about it, then during the last hour of my shift i could barely recite change to my customers without my voice cracking. a mother came in the booth with her two children, a boy and girl, i’m guessing around 4 and 5. she was the most tender loving mom I’ve seen in a while, hugging and caressing and kissing her children every time they were near enough, my whole body ached for my baby. when they whined because they weren’t getting presents she held them and reminded them christmas is a week away, when they wanted to sign her credit card receipt, she let them sign under her name.
these children will never doubt that their mother loves them. and neither will doiron. there will be boundaries and he will get in trouble, but i will always speak on his level and there will ALWAYS be hugs and kisses. the minute i shut my car door i whaled for all of the babies who, in the words of our president “had their innocence ripped away from them too soon” and the ones who had their lives ripped away from them too soon, and the mommies who had their babies ripped away from them too soon. not just in Connecticut but everywhere. i have never loved anyone so fiercely as i love my son and the thought of life without him leaves me numb and heartbroken. i am unfairly lucky in the fact that i don’t have to stay in this baby-less universe, and too many tonight do. all i can do is live the life i’ve been granted, and cherish every wonderful moment i have, because tomorrow i may not be this lucky. and so i leave you with this. i wanted to capture the warm greeting i receive every night in hopes that it might warm your wounded soul and help us all to focus on the beautiful parts of this world that exist. dieu vous bénisse et bonne nuit.